When was the last time you found yourself walking down that low road? Or are you traveling down that road right now? You're out there judging and condemning all kinds of people, mostly for things you know very little about. You're insulting your teachers and college professors to other classmates, tearing down coworkers behind their backs, even slandering and belittling your own family members just to make yourself look better. You're overflowing with pride and arrogance, criticizing practically everyone in sight just to prove a point.
And I don't think you really want to be there, do you? You honestly don't like what you're doing, but you're doing it nonetheless. It seems easier to let it perpetuate than to stop it. Stopping it takes will power and restraint, and that is just too much work for you. But you are absolutely, positively 100% MISERABLE. And since misery just adores company, the cycle continues. The mess just keeps rolling down hill and the problem snowballs.
Hey, it's easy to find fault in others. Very easy. It's easy to continually point out flaws and criticize the weaknesses of others in a demeaning way. But it's wrong and will never get you anywhere but alone. Let's face it, trashing and tearing down others is no way to make progress in your life. It's certainly no way to keep or make friends. And it definitely isn't the way to make yourself happy. It doesn't bring one iota of value to anyone.
Be truthful, how do you feel when you are being critical of others? Does it make you feel bigger? Better? Smarter? Does it make your life more fulfilling to pass judgement on people and constantly show them up or make them look stupid in front of others? You may say yes if you are giving someone a taste of their OWN medicine. But here's another question... does it make you look better in the eyes of those around you? If you don't know the answer, let me help you out because I know from experience... NO, it does not.
Even when others treat you poorly and pass judgement on you, you must rise above it. Stooping to their level forces you to join them on the low road. You start in a battle of wits, then it escalates to a pissing contest. Sooner or later you're getting cocky and ugly with each other, and before ya know it, you're hurling personal insults at each other.
I tell you what... next time you feel insulted or offended by someone in a conversation, instead of responding with prideful retaliation, try smiling and saying something nice and uplifting. Instead of tearing others down, why not take the high road and look for ways to build them up? Instead of adding to conflict between you and someone you know, why don't you try to make them feel better about themselves? Instead of fuming over what other people haven't done right, how about trying to look for the best in them? Take that high road and tell them what their strengths are. Tell them what you appreciate about them. If it's a family member or friend, tell them what they mean to you.
You heard right. I want you to find the very best in those that try to bring you down, even if they are tearing you to shreds and ripping you a new one. Don't think, "Well, two can play that game," or "Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth," or "They need a taste of their own medicine." Trust me, it isn't worth it.
And even if you have searched for good in them, and can't seem to find it (God knows I have dealt with those people), your best bet is to just turn the other cheek and walk away from it. Don't play their ugly games. Do whatever is necessary to keep your conscience and reputation spotless.
I have learned lessons in all of this. There were times that I truly thought I was justified. I thought if they were attacking me for no good reason, then I had a right to defend myself. And that's true, I do have that right, but there proved to be no benefits to it. People who are determined to be angry at you and find fault, will find fault no matter how much evidence you present to them that you didn't do anything wrong. Much of the time our idea of defending ourselves is to smear the other person, as if somehow what they have done has anything to do with what kind of people we are. We make our own choices. We shouldn't blame them on other people.
I know what it is like to have a person be jealous and do whatever it takes to ruin my reputation so that others don't like me, and let me tell you a secret... when you have a spotless reputation already, it doesn't really matter what crap someone says about you, most people won't believe them. And those that do aren't stand up people anyway, so let it roll off your back. Don't return the favor with saying ugly comments about that person to others. Simply tell others that bring you the message, "It's just a false rumor," and then leave with a smile. In doing this, you not only show those around you that you have untarnished character, but you prove to the person spreading the rumors that they don't get to you. Eventually they will stop because they see their efforts are in vain.
I have also dealt with numerous "friends" who have slandered and judged me to others behind my back. In high school, there were rumors of me being a slut, sleeping with certain guys, stealing a friend's boyfriend, and that I said mean things about people and did mean things to them. All untrue, but it was an attempt from those "friends" to get other people to pass judgement on me and not like me. But I stood tall. I didn't retaliate. When I would pass them in the hall, I would smile and say hello. When I saw them at events, I would approach them with a hug and tell them how nice they looked that evening. When people would come to me with more lies that those "friends" had said about me, asking what I was going to do, I would tell them, "Nothing. I don't care what they say about me." Aside from not hanging out with them anymore, I treated them no differently. I still treated them like friends, and I didn't let myself be bothered by any of their lies.
And you know what happened? They eventually stopped. Other people could clearly see that I wasn't retaliating. Even those that chose to believe the rumors at first, after some time could clearly witness what was really going on. They decided not to believe the rumors. The realized they weren't true because they saw my character and saw the character of my detractors, and made a final conclusion about the both of us that ended up secluding my supposed friends.
Some of them came back and apologized. Some of them didn't and went on like nothing had happened. Those that came to me to make things right, I instantly forgave. In fact, I had already forgiven them. I understood that sometimes jealousy and hurt makes you do some crazy things, and none of us are perfect. I won't lie and say it didn't hurt me at least a little. It did, but I knew they were hurting far worse to be willing to do what they had done, and that part broke my heart. Because whether they cared about me or not, I cared about them. And I was willing to see past their facade.
I also know what it's like to join someone on the low road. My own brother in law and I didn't speak for over 4 years because of a fight we had where he did so much mud slinging about personal sensitive subjects that I was so hurt I didn't want to speak to him anymore until he apologized and admitted those things were false. And he refused. So space between us grew and grew.
Truth is, I started the fight. I provoked him to anger. I already knew he didn't like me, and although that didn't make it right for him to say the hateful things he said that day, I could have avoided all of it by merely keeping my mouth shut. I stooped. And I eventually realized I stooped. I sent him letters apologizing, but also trying to justify everything. He didn't read them. He went down a hard road during those 4 years and I began to feel very sorry for him. During those 4 years, I was changing too. Life was teaching me some lessons, and I learned to forgive him long before he ever asked for forgiveness. I decided to reach out to him in kindness not being sure if he would even acknowledge me, but he did. And today, we are speaking and becoming friends. The best part is Sean gets to fellowship with his brother again. He stood by me thick and thin, but I knew he desperately wanted his little brother's hardened heart to soften because he missed him so much. (Reunited and it feels so goooood!)
I have dealt with losing many friends just in the last year and a half because of petty things. No one knows everything that happened between me and each person except me and each person, even though some people pretend like they do. I did so much for my friends. I bent over backwards for them. If I did do something that I thought may have hurt them, it was never intentional. Never. And I quickly made an apology, even if they didn't say anything about it. I jumped through hoops to help them, encourage them, stand up for them, but in the end was met with little gratitude and appreciation. I wasn't given any credit for the kind of friend I was. Instead I was dropped like a hot potato without warning. They twisted my words and found things to get offended over and rather than showing the grace to me that I always did to them, I was left out in the cold. And you know what? That's ok.
It hurt at first, but I didn't go trash them to others. I didn't even mention it at all unless someone asked me, and then I would just tell them that it's not important what happened. Sean was more angry than I was. Of all people, he knew the most how much time and energy I put towards my friends. He saw first hand how much I neglected my own family much of the time to cater to my friends problems. He and my children felt the consequences of me wanting to be there for them in their times of need and trouble, which they had a lot of. Sometimes I lost many hours of sleep doing things for my friends. So when those same friends dismissed me the way they did, he was furious. He had things to say about them. And I kept telling him no. No. No. No. I wanted him to stop.
Being so angry and cutting them down behind their back wasn't going to hurt anyone but him, even if the things he said about them were true. I wanted him to let it go as I had let it go. He realized this was best, and we both moved on. We kept a positive head, and ended up making new friends. BETTER friends. MUCH better friends. People who are genuine and have stand up character. People who take care of their business and aren't charity cases. People who appreciate me when I go out of my way for them, and return the favor by reaching out to me as well. They are friends that don't pass judgement on me when we disagree, they aren't easily offended, don't have chips on their shoulders, and show me grace in my imperfections. I am so glad that things panned out the way they did. And I'm glad I have a clean conscience about it all. In the meantime, I still pray for my old friends. I still hope for the very best for them, and I still want them to be happy. I hope they know that about me, even in their bitterness.
For a blog that claims to be about unconventional ideas, this sure seems like pretty common knowledge, and yet this idea of taking the high road really is unconventional because so few out there actually apply it. Oh I guarantee every person reading this post will agree on everything I have written and nod their head and say, "So true," as they think of one of their enemies or someone who has hurt hem. But the problem is you fail to look at yourself. Most people are so busy pointing out others character flaws that they ignore their own. Stop worrying so much about everyone else. You can only control YOURSELF. You can only make sure YOU take the high road. And I guarantee you that if you focus on correcting yourself first and learn to maintain a life of clean character, the people you want to help will be more likely to listen when you offer them some advice on how they can walk the high road.
And why is it so important to always take the high road? Because chances are pretty good the people who are stirring up dissension hate the low road as much as you do. They desperately want to feel better, do better and be better. But they need to discover the best within themselves. You can help them do just that.
There are few pursuits more rewarding than lifting the spirits of others. When you lift up someone who has fallen down, you show them you care and that they are worth it. When you help lighten the load off of someone in need, you show them they are important and they count in this crazy world. When you help lift a burden off of a person going through a tough time, you show them a way off of the low road once and for all. And whether they give you credit for that later doesn't matter. They may have such low character that they never acknowledge what you did to try to help them. They may never say thank you. Do it anyway because whether they admit it or not, it WILL make a difference. You will show them that there is an alternative to being a bitter, miserable hatemonger.
When you are constantly searching for the best in others, guess what occurs? You actually find it in them. And when you focus on their best, you help them to discover it in themselves too, which is what they need to get themselves on the high road. When you try to lift someone off of the low road, love them, and give them constructive criticism that encourages them to be better, and they actually respond positively to your efforts and find themselves in a happier and healthier place, something truly remarkable happens. You discover a peace and closeness between the two of you that words can hardly describe. It's a peace that ONLY the high road provides.
We adults have got to get on the high road and STAY on the high road if we intend on setting a good example for the next generation. Our children are watching our every move. They are taking account of how we treat each other and how we respond to conflict. I want my precious children to understand that doing good to ALL is what will make the world a happier place. Hating those that hate you just begats more hatred. Children MUST be taught this and shown this as an example because children are naturally selfish.
We aren't talking about physical harm here. No one should ever endure physical harm from another. I do believe in protecting yourself and your family, but what past generations have shown is that there is just as much reason to fight over words. And words are not good or bad. They are just words and can be looked over and brushed off. They only have power if you give them power. Let's start today.
1 comment:
Absolutely lovely and inspirational blog post! It's nice to hear there are still people like you that realize that nothing good comes out of being negative, especially when it concerns each other! Have an amazing day!
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